So more often than not people tend to go for the same type of person time after time. We look for qualities such as honesty, integrity and openness. But that’s not always what we find and a person will show you exactly who they are very early on in a relationship, from here we have two choices ignore them and keep going or actually pay attention to them a walk away before we become involved with them to the point we think we have fallen in love and then of course inevitably the heartache will follow. All you have to do is listen, and i mean really listen to the words and statements they use. I promise they will tell you everything you need to know.
Here is what you need to remember we are all responsible for our own choices be they right or wrong, we are the ones to make them and as you know we become defined by our choices. So my advice in this article is how to spot relationship red flags early on allowing you to make a choice before we are too involved and invested in them. Now some people are more tolerant than other but if these things are shown early on in a relationship just imagine how strong they will grow and become weeks months and years into the relationship so here we go the top red flags that should make you run for the hills.
Extreme Jealousy: Now we all get jealous from time to time that’s a natural emotion that we all go through. However when it becomes apparent that they are becoming jealous of your friends, family and co-workers then you have to ask yourself if it is this extreme this early on what is going to be like a year from now. Jealousy is given away in subtle comments or snide remarks about the people in your life. If they start questioning your relationship with people and ask you to cut them from your life in order to please then its time to cut something from your life, THEM.
Overly Intense: Ok lust kicks in and everyone wants to savour the moment but 20-30 texts and calls a day and night is just a bit extreme regardless how long the relationship has been going on for, remember for love to grow it has to start as a small ember and grow until it is a fire that can`t be put out. If you don’t reply straight away and they send even more messages asking where are you, what you up to or question why you don’t reply straight away. Again you have to ask if they are behaving like this early on what are they going to expect later on. It is not normal to bombard someone all day every day with messages and calls regardless of the feelings involved.
Controlling: A relationship should be based on openness, honesty, trust and flexibility the key word here being flexibility. It should be a joint effort. One party shouldn’t be deciding where you go, what you wear, who you socialise with and decide your priorities in life. That’s your job and yours alone. You have gotten this far in life managing your priorities and doing ok we shouldn’t be giving all of that over to someone because they flatter us. Look at how they react when they don’t get exactly what they want. Do they sulk, go quiet, ignore you, all of the tools an emotional manipulator uses in relationships. A good partner will be willing to compromise and work with you to be happy it won’t just be on their terms.
Listen to the words used: People will show you and tell you exactly how they are going to treat you early on, Listen to them and believe them they are telling and showing you exactly what is coming. Things they say should show and tell you everything you need to know for example. Has every ex-been crazy and stalkerish, do they tell you they have been hurt in the past and won’t ever give everything to another relationship so they don’t get hurt again. Do they tell you that they are a strong person and that if anyone messes them about they are happy to cut ties on the spot walk away and never talk with them again? Do they say they expect you to make all the effort to impress them and when that’s done then they will give back? Look at all those statements, they all tell you exactly what you need to know and they all say walk away before you get hurt. Also look at empathy levels, empathy can be taught but if it is missing in an adult it will take a lot of work to get them to have it and I mean a lot of work.
Ex-partners: So when dating one of the golden rules is not to talk about ex-partners and do any sort of comparison to you. If they continuously talk about the ex and compare everything to them I would suggest they are not over them and again you won’t get the same amount of effort as you put in. Also, listen to how they talk about them or to them if you are around. Are they angry, rude, overly aggressive because whatever they are doing and however they are treating them that’s exactly how they are going to treat you if you ever become the ex ?
Values: Does this person share your values? In reality, you can’t have a relationship with someone who doesn’t. You have to have common ground, be interested or willing to compromise to become interested in the things each other like and enjoy. If they think everything is crap and show no interest in the things you enjoy then it really isn’t going to amount to much later on.
And finally, listen to your gut feeling. If your gut tells you its wrong then trust me its wrong and you need to follow it. How many times have we ignored it and wished we didn’t. Your gut feeling is your intuition kicking in and screaming at you to walk away before it’s too late.