So, after the last few days when we have focused on relationships and how to communicate properly and ultimately, they are either going to make it or break it. We have spoken previously about the outcomes of both and the recovery process if they don’t go the right way and now several weeks, months and in some cases years we find ourselves in a position where we can move on. But how do we make sure we don’t make the same mistakes again or attract the same type of person again. How do we make sure we don’t get our heart broken again?
Well, I don’t want to be the bearer of bad news here, but when it comes to the last one we simply can’t. We can’t predict the future but what we can do is do something different and build a relationship based on everything that it should be built on, respect, trust, understanding, compassion. So here goes our guide to building a relationship based on something other than lust or physical intimacy.
The title kind of gives it away, yes that’s right no sex for at least the first month with a minimum of 5 dates in between before that subject is even broached or looked at. And yes, this goes for men and women alike. Now let’s get the sex part out the way first because that the line that seems to catch everyone’s attention. Have you ever noticed that people seem to change straight away as soon as sex is on the cards? All the effort and trying to get to know you and the effort of being the perfect dates seems to dissipate. The simple reason is because with sex there is no deeper level of intimacy and when it is give to someone they 9 times out of 10 feel like they have gotten to know you and your now in a relationship and they become very complacent very quickly. Let’s be honest how many times has someone slept with someone only to discover a week or two weeks later the person is not what they thought they were. The answer is a lot. So surely if we take that out the equation then we can actually get to know someone properly with no pressure of intimacy on the table and just plain good old fashioned getting to know someone. So, no sex for at least one month with a minimum of 5 dates. And here’s the best part, on the initial conversation why don’t you slip that little gem into the conversation. That will show you straight away about the other parties’ intentions or what they are thinking or looking at in relation to Intimacy. So here a few hints and tips to remember when we start out on the dating game.
Be yourself, don’t wear a mask. The problem with trying to sound smarter or better than you believe you are is it takes considerable effort to keep the mask on, it is a constant reminder that you are not being real or true to yourself, so instead of saying X, Y and Z just be open and honest from the get go, let them know your values and standards and don’t be false for one second. You’re looking for someone to have a relationship with and if he falls for something you say you are but you’re not it will soon become apparent and it is all downhill from that moment on wards.
Don’t compare your new with your ex. That’s like allowing your past to sculpt your future, it’s a rigged game from the start. You have a chance to do something different now, to go about it in a different approach and with a new method. So, if you are going to all this effort go into it open minded and not jaded from the past or allow an ex to still control your future. Ex are ex`s for a reason and they belong in the past. Be open minded and you might just be surprised at what happens.
Let them know your boundaries from the start. Remember up at the start we said to put it out from the start that you’re on a strict 1 month 5 date policy. Let them know that you’re looking to get to know them as a person and spend some time with them to see you’re a good match to see your compatible and not to confuse everything straight away with sex. I promise you will get to know the person and start to develop feelings and thoughts and dreams after 5 days and if you do decide to take the next step with them it will be all the sweeter. Feelings invoke emotions and when emotions are brought in to the intimacy subject it can be one of the most amazing feelings in the world for you.
Do continue to be a fun happy independent person. Don’t rely on the other person to be in charge of your happiness and your free time. Make a plan stick to it and don’t be at the beckon call of someone and look to them for happiness, you are in charge of your happiness and you alone.
And Finally, keep on track no matter how much fun you’re having, how happy you seem just concentrate on getting to know the person you’re dating or looking to invest your feelings with. Physical intimacy is a natural part of a relationship and there should be no rush to have that early on. Intimacy has a way of shrouding everything else at the early stages and many a person has fallen foul of it. Relax, take your time and just enjoy no pressure relaxed dating.
Serenity NLP has a relationship expert on call for you anytime you need them, so if you’re just starting out in the dating game after a breakup or looking to enhance your relationship we are here anytime you need us.
