Someone once said to me “Pain is weakness leaving the body” No that’s not true. Pain comes in many different forms and one of the most debilitating is emotional pain. It can leave you on your knees, it can make you feel you have nothing to live for, it can consume you at a moment’s notice and you can’t see or find a way out.  Trust me I know only too well having been in that very dark place with some very dark thoughts.  I wanted my life finished, I wanted the pain to stop, I wanted it all to just go away so I could close my eyes and never feel anything like it again.  I wanted the gut wrenching, sick, heavy, sleepless crying, tearing, ripping emotional pain just to stop.

So how do we overcome, how do we beat this, how do we move forward and get over it when we feel all hope is lost.  It’s called Self-preservation (the protection of oneself from harm or death, especially regarded as a basic instinct in human beings and animals). We achieve this by using our motivation, Our drive, Our determination. I know at this point you may think you don’t have any of that and you just want to lay down in a dark room and cry, but let me assure you that won’t do anyone any good and the only person who will take this pain away is you and that’s where your intrinsic motivation kicks in.

Let me just explain very quickly for people who are slightly unsure how motivation works and why. Now for anyone who has attended one of my motivational talks and lectures you will be all too familiar with this for those who haven’t let’s touch on it (we will be looking in detail at these later) So we have two main types of motivation that drive us. INTRINSIC and EXTRINSIC.  In simple terms, Extrinsic motivation occurs when we are motivated to perform a behavior or engage in an activity to earn a reward or avoid punishment. Intrinsic motivation involves engaging in a behavior because it is personally rewarding; essentially, performing an activity for its own sake rather than the desire for some external reward.

At this moment and time the only person that matter is you, yes you are down, yes you are beaten and yes you are close to giving up. But guess what you haven’t, your reading this you’re thinking about these words and what I am explaining to you and for that I say WELL BLOODY DONE.   You have made a tiny little step in some people’s eyes in my eyes  you have just kick started your recovery and that is a FACT not a thought.

Let’s look at some things we can hold on to and help us get out the situation we are in. Now emotional pain can come from Friends, Family, Husbands, Wifes, Children, Self circumstances there is a whole host of causes for emotional pain but the cure is the same Intrinsic motivation. Let me just say that again INTRINSIC MOTIVATION.

1. Daily routine: No point in refusing to get up and open your eyes. The mind is telling you that you can’t. It is a lie. Physically you are capable so let’s just not think for a second and swing your legs out the bed.  Start as we mean to go on today.  Shower, brush your teeth put clean clothes on and look alive, looking good even if you only have to go to the shop is important and will start to install a new way of thinking, remember we are going to re train our selves with lots of self-pride with the bigger picture in mind.  Why can’t you go shopping today for food or things for the house, tell me this: What physical blocks are stopping you?   Don’t think about it too much, the whole world really isn’t watching you and looking to see how you are looking or doing, they are busy getting on with their own life right now, you worry about you for now and stop putting daily functions and tasks off. Emotional pain is only as debilitating as we allow it to be. Nike summed it up perfectly with the logo. JUST DO IT. Today we are Nike.

2. PMA: Positive Mental Attitude. This is vital don’t think about the here and now let’s look at the bigger picture and the end result and what the end goal is, I pretty much guarantee most of you are saying “to be happy and normal”. Well let’s keep that end goal in sight and maintain a positive attitude because I promise you it is coming and so much sooner than you think.  We become how we think and if we can just for today concentrate and try and make it a good day then it will start slowly but eventually you will be happy because you have taught yourself to be.  If your always  pissed off, Annoyed, Sad or Upset then our brain and mind become accustomed to that, don’t be obtuse let’s live for today and deal with tomorrow when it comes.

3. Laugh/Smile: There are four primary chemicals in the brain that effect happiness: Dopamine, Oxytocin, Serotonin, and Endorphins. Each one is activated in a different way. But each one is also enhanced by one common factor Laughter. So, TURN OFF ADELE put YouTube on and have something like Still Game or any other comedy based show or movie running in the background. I promise you may not take in or hear everything that’s happening but every now and then you will catch something and before you know it you smiled or laughed for a second, now at this point you will start to realize that you can laugh and smile even for a second today but you can so enjoy the second and see if we can double that tomorrow and each day after.  Stop thinking time is a healer it isn’t   What you do what that time is the real healer, so let’s start today.   Let’s give it a wee try right now.

4. Don’t overthink/Obsess:  Oh yes, we have them. They consume us without a second’s notice and they rip you’re very being apart. Ask yourself this: Is God going to stop the thoughts? No, but He has placed something inside your make-up and DNA that will allow you to stop them. He has provided you with the tools and the rest is up to you. Here we go. This part I call positive visualization, and it helped me at the start to stop the obsessive thoughts that occurred daily. But again, it takes time, practice and repetition to re-wire and re-train the neurons in the brain.

The thought comes in to your mind; you can picture it. Here is what we do.

In your loudest voice inside your head, shout “STOP!”

Close your eyes and take five deep, slow breaths.

Take your picture or thought and turn it into black and white.

Concentrate on it, and as it appears before you, start to push it away into the distance until it is the size of a small pea.

Take a large deep breath and, as you exhale, imagine blowing it away into the distance until it disappears over the horizon.

Straight away, inhale, and as you do so, you bring a new picture in with your breath and put it right in front of your eyes; a picture of your children; a happy place; a happy time; something that you lived and loved before all this.

Once you have it, turn the brightness up on it in your mind so it is blasting with beautiful, bright colour, and concentrate 100 per cent on that picture; the colours; the actions; the sounds. Concentrate; focus on every little thing in that picture.

Now how do you feel?

This does work but it has to be done whole-heartedly and it has to be repeated every time a thought arises in your mind. Repetition is the key to this.

These are just a few of the many things we can do using Intrinsic motivation to get back on track it really is the key to overcoming emotional pain and if you gone at it  with everything you have it will change your entire life, that is a fact and in this situation fact will always outweigh thought so don’t let your emotions control your person, you control them and if done correctly everyday can get better and better.

Serenity NLP Therapy & Coach can help you beat this hands down, no question and we are one message away from getting you on top of your game and living life to the full.   Have a great day folks whatever you choose to do with it.

  Its your Life, So live it ! https://youtu.be/ZbZSe6N_BXs       www.serenitynlp.com