Time heals all wounds, it takes time, just know in time everything will be ok, time heals everything.
No, it won’t and no it doesn’t and no it can’t. Time doesn’t heal anything contrary to popular belief. Time is just that time. It is a period of seconds, minutes, hours and days where we allow our self to either get proactive and fight what’s damaging and hurting us or sit and wallow in self-despair and change nothing, never moving forward or getting better for days, weeks, months and in some cases years. Let me explain.
If you had a choice of one big chunk of pain that would be given to you in one hit or the choice of equal amounts of pain spread out of weeks, months and years. What would you take? Me I will opt for the one big chunk each and every time and in the past I have always taken that option, you see the pain and hurt are inevitable, how long it lasts is totally up to you hence getting proactive and dealing and dismissing it as quickly as possible. But how do we deal with something that makes us feel heartbroken, sad, depressed, anxious, low, down, makes us have that crazy heavy sick feeling in the pit of the stomach, the sleepless nights, the endless worry and constant uncertainty that never seems to go away? Well for want of a better word we fight, we dig in, we drive at it, we go at it each and everyday nonstop and we deal with it getting help if needed and we learn from it. Let me show you how.
Acceptance: It happened whatever horrid incident that’s affecting you has happened, death, relationship breakup, loss of job, change in circumstances not of your doing, accidents, incidents, whatever the type of heartbreak or hurt it doesn’t matter the principles and how we deal with it are identical it`s just the subject that is different and without question the first and one of the most important parts is acceptance. All the wishing in the world isn’t going to change it. All the tears and false hope won’t change it. You are so much better taking a deep breath telling yourself, ok it happened it`s done now and I have no choice but to accept it. No matter how much will power and want in the world you have what you can’t do is change the past and you are wasting valuable energy wishing you could. Take that energy and focus on accepting the present situation and once we accept we can then look beyond today and come up with a plan of action. Stop with the false hope because that will only prolong the pain and hurt and it stops us from moving forward at the correct speed and level.
Action Plan: So we all know the heart and head need time to heal and to take stock of everything that’s gone on and process it, and that’s fine. What’s not fine is sitting for hours on end thinking about the same thing time and time again, so what we need is a plan of action and to stick to it regardless of how or what we are feeling inside for want of a better expression we are going to fake it until we make it. So let’s make a plan of things we have to do today. Do we need to go food shopping, do we need to attend the kid’s school for some reason, are we going to take the kids out if we have any. We are going to follow through on the thongs we know we need to do and not say they can wait, we are keeping proactive we are making an effort to keep busy. Don’t just wake and throw the first thing on that comes to hand, make an effort to look and feel good if you look good and crisp and at your best, your feelings will work harder to follow suit. We need to put in as much as we want to get out of this and no half measures as they won’t work. Get up get ready and get focused even when we don’t feel like it, we are retraining our mind to love and function without the things we used to love and function for or with.
Talk: Not to the person who has caused the damage if that is the case and not to someone close minded or has an agenda with the problem we are facing. Friends, family, therapists. It needs to be someone who has your interests at heart and will be a sounding board and happy to listen and offer any advice they see fit. Remember the name of this article and if people only have that advice to offer then that’s ok but keep in mind you should seek other people’s advice and someone along the line will be telling you the exact same thing as we are in this article. Talking and letting it out is so important and it is a form or release and helps us process what’s gone on and helps us learn and deal with it properly.
Smile: Again, probably the last thing in the world you feel like doing right now, but I promise it really does help, not only for our sanity but for the chemicals that laughter releases into our system. Put the comedy channel on, put YouTube on too whatever makes you laugh and just for the mean time leave it on repeat, and no I am not forcing you to sit and listen non-stop to comedy but have it on in the background and every now and then you might pick something up that makes you smile or laugh at the unlikeliest of moments. Now when that happens just hold that for a second and realise; you know what the world does keep turning and moving on regardless of my feelings, emotions, thoughts or processes. I know it’s hard to even think about joy, laughter, smiling, happiness but I promise in the not so distant future these are the things that will be filling your life and when you look back you will think, my god he was right.
Fake it till you make it: Life is full of fakes, people at times are fake, the news is full of fakes. So why can’t we just for a short period of time join them as long as we keep in mind we are faking till we are making it. That’s the key here if we force ourselves to carry out actions such as interacting with the outside world, laughter, smiling, functioning day to day, not bursting into tears at the slightest of triggers then eventually because we are doing it so often out mind adapts and then the actions soon become our normal everyday actions and not fake ones. Keep up the appearances, keep up your daily routine no matter how much you want to crawl up in a ball and die. Show the whole world that this has not affected you but educated you and gave you more understanding of the world and how it works and have become a bigger better stronger person for it. Show just how strong you are no matter what your feeling inside.
Never look back: The past is gone and can’t be changed, the future has not come around yet and we are currently living with today’s gift, that’s why after all we call it the present. We can’t alter what’s gone but we can alter what’s coming. I know only too well that living in the past will tear you apart and if you listen to me you really don’t have to. It’s happened it’s gone and there is nothing you or I can do to change it so let’s work on and change what we can and that’s our future. Look to what you have that’s good and strong in your life, look to what the future holds if we work hard and be proactive and listen to these wise words. Concentrate on what’s coming and not what’s gone. I promise it will give you focus and determination, make that plan, book that holiday, enjoy your kids or loved ones. Live in the moment and the moment will be rewarding. The past is the past for a reason.
Serenity NLP Therapy & Coaching can help with these issues and are experts at moving forward and not looking back and dwelling on the past. We are one call or message away from changing your life at www.serenitynlp.com or 07788119374.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nthxeiDbIyg
