If I had a penny for everyone that gave control of their happiness to someone who totally messed it up I would have a rather nice country home in the Cotswolds with three dogs a cat and a hampster called bill.

You see it is not theirs to have, it is not theirs to look after and it is not theirs to control and because it is not theirs inevitably they will mess it up and in most cases break it. Your happiness belongs to you and should be determined by you and you alone. Giving that much power to someone is always going to end up in failure, so let me explain why.

Happiness is one of our most valued emotions:  Happiness is something we experience and grow to love and enjoy, it is much better than the other emotions that wash over us day to day and in a balanced life it is the one that is most prominent. It is the one that keeps us smiling and looking forward to life. It is such an important emotion that without it we would forever be down and saddened by everything around us. It should be cherished and nurtured and cared for each and every day and it is your job and yours alone to make sure that happens.

Others add they don’t make: I have heard many people in life say they just want someone to make them happy. Here is a news flash you are looking in the wrong place, the only person your happiness should be dependent upon is yourself. If we are looking for someone else to make that happen it really isn’t. You see other people may come along in life and add to your happiness but to count on them and depend on them to make it happen is destined to fail from the get-go.  We control our own happiness and we are as happy as we decide to be regardless of the circumstances surrounding us. We choose to be unhappy, we choose to be down and we blame the circumstances or others for it. The fact remains you can not control another person’s flawed actions but you definitely can control your reaction and we are defined by our actions. So remember we are in charge of our happiness and we allow others to add to it but definitely not define it.

Happiness by change, not chance:   We have all heard the saying  if at first you don’t succeed try try again, well that isn’t true in any way shape or form. How about we do this instead.

If at first, we don’t succeed, change the behaviour or method and then try try again.

You see determination and perseverance will only take you so far but if what we are doing and the way we are doing it isn’t working now or in the past then it`s not going to work in the future so if we are not happy we need to look at what we are doing and identify the behaviour or the action that is causing it, change it and go again, honestly you will be so surprised at the outcomes if you just change tact and go at it a different way. Remember happiness by change, not chance. The key word here is change.

We are as happy as we want to be:  This is something my mother used to tell me every time I was sad or down, and truth be told at the time I didn’t see it or understand it or even listen but it is definitely valid. You see we are emotionally lead beings and as I got older and slightly wiser(some would say not so much) I learned that this statement is very true, in fact, its spot on let me explain why.  Now as previously mentioned words will always equal a thought and a thought will always equal an emotion how we use our self-talk is vital. Try this out for size.

Close your eyes and tell your self-something good about yourself or something good you have achieved in life. (and yes everyone has something even a divorce petition if that’s where your mind takes you)

Did you catch it yes that was called a smile no matter how big or small,  really concentrate on the feeling that the positive statement gives you go on do it again and really concentrate and yes this time you can catch yourself smile.

Now tell your self-something on the reverse side of good and notice that heavy feeling in the pit of your stomach, your chest, your neck could be anywhere but notice the two distinct difference and all because of the words we choose to speak.  The message here is a really simple one, talk to your inner self the same as you would your children or a loved one. You wouldn’t go about putting them down, telling them they cant or belittling them all day long so my question here is. Why are you doing it to yourself? Change the negative for powerful and positive a good example of this is as follows.

I DONT KNOW WHAT IS GOING TO COME AT ME TODAY. BUT I ASSURE YOU I WILL FACE IT HEAD ON AND GIVE IT EVERYTHING I HAVE. So just for today lets do it diffrent and just be bloody kind to yourself for once.

Happines is such a beautiful and all consuming emotion that you really are doing yourself a disjustice in life by not having it so please remember today we will be as happy as we choose to be and it WILL come by change not chance.