On the 3rd of August 2019 Margaret McCallum walked in to a room of 400 people, stood up and told how she just didn’t want to be on the planet anymore, she described her pain and suffering and each and every person in the room at the Royal Concert hall in Glasgow was reduced to tear including Kevin Mullin. Kevin remembered every emotion and gut wrenching feeling he had gone through earlier in his life and decided to do an intervention. 4 Months down the line Margaret is now a qualified Serenity by Kevin Life Coach and is working on helping other who find themselves in the same position she was in only 16 weeks prior. Here she shares her thoughts and experiences in the hope that someone reading this who is close to the edge reconsiders and reaches out for help.
You stood up in front of 400 people in that room and told everyone about how you didn’t want to be alive anymore, where did that courage come from: I honestly have no idea how I even managed to get on my feet. I remember telling another person who was standing up that I felt as if I had just been pulled up out my chair, she said the very same thing. I kept telling myself If I wanted the pain to stop the only way it would happen is if I went to sleep and never woke up, on that day I was actually running late I had set my alarm to go but just couldn’t get myself out of bed but something in my mind was screaming get ups and go and I arrived nearly 2 hours after it had started even then a part of me was telling myself this is a waste of time, how wrong was I and it turns out the best thing I did was go to the event that day.
So at what point did it all change: It changed the second Kevin looked at me straight in the eyes his gaze never once faltered or left me, he took me by the hand and told me the pain I was in would stop and if it was ok with me he would like to help make that happen. I know I am loved by my family and friends and I know they would miss me but it took a complete stranger in Kevin to make me understand this and it happened in a heartbeat.
So since that day have you had any thoughts about it since: The thoughts can creep in but I don’t let them stay in my head any more as I know I do deserve to be here and that was never the answer, I just thought it was at the time my family would be devastated and that would cause more pain than I was in. Thoughts can be controlled and removed so no they don’t stay with me or make me feel bad now.
So where in life are you now ?: I am in a much stronger and better place now mentally, I had a few setbacks since the event like losing my brother suddenly and a close cousin in very quick succession who I adored on the very same day as my other cousin passed. I have however accepted life will be hard and harsh at times but giving up is not the answer. Plus I want to help other people see despite life being tougher than expected it can also be a beautiful gift.
If someone is reading this and is in that dark place what would you say to them today: Please please reach out to someone, talk to someone, do not under any circumstances let your self think that you not being here as it really won’t, trust me when I say you are here for a reason, it will get better and you really do deserve this shot at life. So many people love and care for you and even if you don’t see that now it really is true the devastation and guilt for everyone you leave behind will be worse than you can imagine. I promise you your now is not your forever and it will get better, it may not happen over night but it will.
Margaret has spoken openly about her journey and now leads a life full of hope and excitement, not because she deserved it but because she made it a reality. Serenity by Kevin is more than a talk based therapy its all about the actions and less about your words. If you need help and are in the same position as Margaret was please don’t sit in silence. Love always Kevin.
