While sitting with my thoughts this morning and scrolling down Facebook, I noticed a common theme. People are always complaining about how they never attract a decent guy or girl and they are always being cheated on or lied to or messed around and inevitably the relationship soon falters and fails as quickly as it began. Now we all expect to have our heart broken at least once in life, why wouldn’t we it`s a learning process and it teaches us valuable lessons and reminds us of our empathy and compassion in life. If we look at this properly it can be a great learning experience, despite it feeling totally the opposite at the time.
I said once in life, twice if your unlucky and never if your very lucky. My best friend in life has been with his wife for near on 20 years and he still looks at her and views her as he did in day one of the relationship surely that is what we should all be striving for. This shouldn’t be a recurring theme with every relationship you have. If it is maybe, we need to look at what we are attracting in a partner and what we are willing to accept from the get go.
So, we have a saying that you get back what you put out in life. This is as true for relationships and partners as it is for any other area of our life. If we go in to something with low expectations then that’s exactly what you’re going to get, so let’s take a look at how we can pick the right partner this time around and see if we can change a habit of a life time.
Write down your expectations. What are you willing to accept in a partner, what are you willing to compromise on? A great place to start with this is your own values and standards. These are the things in life you use your moral compass for. Loyalty, respect, trust, mutual understanding, interests, family values, concurrent activities. These things are all vital to growing and learning with each other. If you see some as black and they see some as white eventually you’re going to butt heads and that leads to resentment, isolation, lack of trust and eventually the process of being unhappy starts and you find yourself asking the same question again, why me. You need to be looking for the same qualities in someone that you hold dear.
What you project is what you will get. If your just out a bad relationship or you have broken up with a partner and haven’t dealt with the fall out properly you will be projecting negativity. This is where you are looking for falsehoods and are willing to accept sub standards. Don’t be that person who goes from one relationship to the next without catching your breath because your scared to be alone. Being alone can be just as magical as being in a relationship and it can give you time to look back and self-evaluate and make any changes that you think you might need to make. Therapy is a great way to see things differently and deal within overhanging issues. Be happy, be confident, be strong and people will see that and you will attract the very same in return. If you put out low or negative energy, it’s all you’re going to attract.
When someone shows you who they are believe them. Some people are good at projecting what you are looking for but because thats not really who they are deep down and they are only projecting they will slip up early on and show you who exactly they are, believe them and leave the relationship straight away before it becomes too serious and you end up getting hurt or disappointed again. You already have your list of standards and expectations so do not deviate from it.
Slow down. Now I will be the first person to say when true love does come it hits you hard and fast and there’s nothing you can do about it and when you know they say you know and I am a massive advocate of this kind of love but only if your gut is telling you its right. The gut feelings always right and should be listened to with extreme belief that its guiding you in the right direction. For the other part, it is important to enjoy getting to know each other first, talk, laugh, go out and do things you enjoy and learn each other’s habits likes and dislikes, do not sleep with each other for at least the first 4 weeks while getting to know each other. What we are trying to achieve is getting to know the person and not having sex cloud our judgment or become the main focus of a relationship so soon. The second part to the 4-week wait is it will show you if your partner is in to you or just wants to sleep with you, trust me when love is on the table and we are looking for the right person sex isn’t at the top of the list. So many people confuse sex for love and that is a major stumbling block on the road to happiness.
Learn walk away. Do this with grace and dignity do it with self-respect and pride. You know what you’re looking for and pretty early on you will see exactly what your partner has in store for the relationship. If it isn’t what you want, then walk away. Don’t be a coward and go out and cheat or lie or allow the other person to do this to you. We know what we are looking for so let’s not waste anyone’s time by hoping they will get better or hoping you can morph them or change them in to what you want them to be. People are what they are and you can’t change that. If your unhappy change it. you have two choices, you can take the pain and unhappiness and spread it out over 3-4 years until you do learn to walk away or you can take it all in one lump sum, deal with it learn from it and move forward in life.
And finally learn to accept that we get back what we put out there, we really do so set the bar high from the start and don’t allow people to lower it. You know what you’re after so if they aren’t giving you it then we need to cut them loose take a big breath regroup and we go again. It really is that simple folks.
As always have a great day whatever you’re doing with it
Remember we are one call or message away from helping you find what your looking for in life so why not drop us a line at: info@serenitynlp.com or call us on 07788119374
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nthxeiDbIyg&t=4s
