We go to the doctors if we don’t feel well, we check our car if it doesn’t run right, we educate and correct our kids if they act out. So why do so few people check their relationship if it isn’t going right? That is why we should have a regular relationship health check and ask some questions and look at the actions, thoughts and feelings the answers provoke. I have had a lot of questions after the last article on how do you know when its time to call it a day with the relationship your in.
So here we will look at a few key points that you should be looking at or asking yourself when you do a relationship health check.
Trust: Is it still there, has it been broken and how was it broken. Once we establish that we then have to ask; can it be regained. Trust is like a glass and once broken it can be repaired but the cracks will remain. I can assure you 100% if any form of infidelity has occurred no matter how great your will, understanding and love for someone is you will never fully trust them again. Are you on edge every time they get a text, do they keep their phone password protected and always face down glass first. Do you wonder where they are on a night out or who they are talking to, are you checking their facebook page to see who commented or liked a post. If you answer yes to any of those points the trust is gone. You have to then ask yourself are you really happy living like this and is it time to go.
Do they drain you emotionally: Do you feel tired after being in their company too long, do you hate the thought of long drawn out conversations, do they make you feel low and down after talking with them for too long. Again this is a key indicator of where this relationship is headed in the future and again we must look inwards and ask am I happy to accept this in life or should I step up and change it. If they exhaust you emotionally then it is time for a change.
Has complacency set in: Now this can be remedied with good clear open lines of communication and sitting down with each other and talk this subject out, however after doing this time and time again we have to get to a point in life where we ask yourself are they really going to change because they just revert back to type after a while. The key here is the first conversation about it. They must listen and show they understand and want to solve the issue. If they are sat texting or watching TV while your trying to talk that should tell you how much they value the relationship and I for one don’t believe anyone should be in a relationship and be undervalued or taken for granted. Love is such a beautiful emotion to have and to feel and once tasted properly it should never be relinquished or taken for granted and if they love you truly they won’t. That’s not to say some people just haven’t learned in life and are just a bit slow on the pick up again make your desires very clear when you have the heart to heart. No one deserves to be in a relationship that doesn’t enhance them each and every day.
Have you changed your core values for this person? We all have them it is our moral compass in life it`s what we will and won’t accept. Have you changed them to suit your partner because they don’t have the same set of values or outlook? Have you changed as a person when there was nothing wrong with the person you were before? Have you lost family and friends because of this? Again this is wrong and not how good solid relationships work. Your partner should love and trust you as you want to love and trust them. They should be helping you, encouraging you to go out and do what you want to do in life, achieve your goals and help you grow and thrive in every area of life. That’s what love does it opens you up to not think about yourself each and every day but other people and want the best for them. Enjoy your good times and support your bad times. It shouldn’t t be you making choices in life to please them and to suit their needs. Yes, relationships are give and take and compromise at times but it shouldn`t be your defining your whole being to please someone else. Again I have to stress the importance of this is not how you should be living your life.
Do actions match words: I love you is the easiest thing in the world to say but one of the hardest to show and when I say show I mean consistently. A bunch of flowers or a card on your birthday or valentines day doesn’t count. Grand gestures can also be meaningless. Look at the actions of the person and the most important part of this point is; do you feel loved. Again how do they talk with you, how do they look at you, do they react when the hard times come along and we all get them. I know only to well the power of love and let me tell you if it is real you will become their sole focus and attention, they will think about your needs and wants before their own and they will not only tell you but also show you each and every day that they are very much in love and grateful you are in their life.
Physical intimacy: Is it still there, do you still desire your partner, do you still get goose bumps thinking about them, holding them, having lazy Sundays in bed just watching Netflix and embracing the love and emotions with each other. Ok life plays its part and day to day life can be a toil at times with work, children, stress, worry we all have it but no matter what’s going on in life you should still have the desire and love for each other no matter what. If your setting dates and times and wishing it over before it begins or making excuses not to be physical with your partner anymore then it really is time you took a long hard look at the relationship. Sex is not the b all and end all of a relationship but it is important and for some more than others.
Do you still have all of the above and they don’t. It’s the same outcome and that’s not what a loving happy relationship is about. Now some of the points can be dealt with by sitting down being open and honest and having a good old heart to heart however, if you resonate with most of these points I would suggest you already know what the next step is and for you go back and read the previous article. You deserve everything good in life and relationships and if you don’t have it and are accepting it because of fear or lack of understanding you really are dealing yourself short in life.
Serenity NLP Hypnotherapy and coaching have a great success rate with relationship issues and can help guide and steer you where you want to go because it really is all about you when it comes to happiness and life. We are one message or email away from guiding you and helping you achieve what you really deserve in life so reach out today and let’s get started. info@serenitynlp.com or text us on 07788119374.
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