First of all let me just start by saying, this isn’t an easy thing to do.

No matter how well prepared you think you are or how over it you think you think you may, if there is still an element of love and compassion inside you this is going to hurt like hell regardless that you are the one walking away.

So let’s buckle up and look at the steps we need to take and how we need to look at this in order for us to do it with dignity, grace and self-respect and most importantly with our sanity intact. The choice is already made: When someone decides to leave a relationship 9 times out of 10 this isn’t a spur of the moment thing.

You have already left emotionally and you are just waiting now to do the hard part and come out with it and walk away. This has already been decided and you may or may not talk yourself out of it for a while but eventually, your feelings and emotions are going to take over and you are left with two choices. Walk or stay, now this part is really simple. Do we keep up the false pretence and keep pulling and dragging our own feelings and emotions down to the point you start to become depressed, sad, lonely, lost, confused or do we put our self and our loved ones first and secure a happy bright future for all involved. Remember this article is for you and to make you do the right thing, I fully understand it is never nice to walk away from someone who may or may not be in love with you but we have to put our feelings and emotions first to ensure we have long term happiness.

Remember the only person who can control your happiness is you and at this point we need to do what’s right and not worry or over think the feelings and thoughts of the other party. We are at this point in the relationship for a reason, remember that.

Pick your moment: Not everything is black and white and some people react worse than others. You have to be prepared mentally for what’s coming from the other party. Some people will say nothing and simply accept it as they knew this was coming. Some people will get angry and shout and smash things and others will simply cry and beg you for a second chance. Everyone is different and you will know what kind of person your partner is. For me, I knew that I couldn’t risk any backlash from my partner like her making false accusations or having a breakdown and calling the police and getting me arrested. I decided to wait until my partner went to work packed a back and walked away. That was the best option for me, had they been more level-headed and controlled I would have happily have done it face to face but that wasn’t the situation I found myself in.

You need to judge and pre-empt their reactions and temperament in this situation and if it could turn nasty or get violent I am telling you do not do a face to face, wait until it is safe and walk. Never walk away or try to in the heat of an argument people are unpredictable in these situations due to emotions and fear and again you are putting yourself at risk. If they are unhappy and you see it then a face to face with mutual understanding can be done. As adults, we like to think everyone is capable of this option but in reality, we are not. Don’t put it off and off and off waiting for the perfect moment, this is you walking away from someone there is no perfect moment for this.

Stay strong stay focused. Let’s be honest you should have sat and thought all this through time and time again this isn’t a spur of the moment thing. So, with that being said it is important to say what needs to be said keep focused on why we are doing this and make it as short and sharp as possible. Regardless of why the relationship broke down the other party is going to be hurting in shock and confused, you have made the choice you have stated why and you haven’t gone out your way to hurt or belittle them. Hours and hours and hours of them trying to talk you round and begging and pleading pulling on your heart strings won’t change your feelings or thoughts.

Do not let them emotionally blackmail you or try to force you to keep going through guilt this is only going to make it worse in the long run and you will lose even more respect for them than you already have.

Have your fall backs in place: Again, you have sat down and asked yourself a million questions and you have still come up with the same answer. So, stop focusing on what you already know and focus on your fall-back plan. If you live with each other who is moving out ? If you are where are you going ? Do you have a family to support you ? Do you have children’s needs to put first, finances, travel, family, education, work, you need to sit down and get all of these things in order to ensure you’re not just walking into the darkness in that respect because like it or not this is going to be emotionally draining and hurtful to you also. You have prepared for this mentally so make sure we have the physical side of our life in order also.

Remember the end goal: We aren’t doing this to hurt anyone, in fact, that’s the last thing on your mind when this is happening. We are doing this for our own well-being and happiness. We need certain things in a relationship and if your partner isn’t fulfilling them and you’re not in love and happy with them, then why are you still with them, why are their feeling more important than yours. The simple answer is that they aren’t. We all deserve the happy ever after we all deserve proper contentment and love. If the person you are with isn’t giving you them then you have to walk away and find them elsewhere.

Life is a one shot deal it’s not a rehearsal and you’re not getting another go at it. It is for the living with love, happiness and joy and so many people miss out on that because they don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. What about your feelings, needs and emotions they need to come first plain and simple?

Embrace the pain: As I mentioned at the start no matter what you think the end of a relationship no matter what it was like is going to hurt emotionally, yes you will feel hurt and sad that you caused pain to someone if you don’t then you’re not human. You’re going to feel guilty and second guess yourself so when that happens take a second sit down and ask the following question. Was I in a good place and content and happy in the relationship. The answer is no and that’s why you’re reading this. So yes, feel all the emotions of a break up regardless of you being the one to end it but always keep the end goal in sight and keep focused on what we want and not what someone else wants. This is about you and you alone. I promise you, in the end, it will all work out and you will find what you’re looking for.

Don’t look back: Don’t over think, we have already decided it is for the best and what we want, the hard part is done. Don’t look back and wonder what if. You gave it your all it didn’t work out so we can sit and focus on the future, make plans and be proactive or we can sit for hours on end reliving it all. Do you have friends or activities you couldn’t do in the relationship, if so they should be the first things you get back in your life. Did you want a holiday; did you want to try a different path in life? Well now is the time to reach for the stars, keep busy and move forward. This may seem cruel but I strongly suggest you block and delete them from every part of your life and if they do still try and get to you or derail your life by reaching out and spreading rumours or hate mail or contacting friends or family simply ignore and block them off as best you can and live your life the best you can. Do not give false hope or string anyone along. If you agree it is for the best then that’s perfect, don’t try and remain, friends, it doesn’t work and just makes things messy and again we are trying to move forward. The best reaction when you have done it is no reaction. The good thing about moving forward is we don’t have to look back in order to get there, remember it’s the total opposite direction.